it was a fading moment. youth in the words it spoke soon drizzled to wrinkled letterings from an aged old envelope. nonetheless, it was amazing how you could connect to one another so utterly different from before and so, I'm honey coating this memory and slotting it into my bank of moments-to-remember.

when procrastination comes to play, my mind goes doing her thing- wandering. it goes into dreamscape or some might call it dreamception since inception took over the world. taking up photography after my major exam at the end of the year would be a definite first on the list except considering my habitual indecisiveness is going to eat up all the time I would have left before my trip. that is, I would say to decide on what kind of camera I am going to invest in, a dslr, a semi pro or a diana f coupled with the instant print kinda attachment behind it. there are all those technical detailing I can never get and I forsee a tragic end of this decision making process with me getting a camera I will regret. so, if anyone out there, kind enough to share anything you know cameras, please enlighten me.

one hell of a week didn't come by chance. you could say I ochestrated my own demise. there were words I shouldn't have said, there were things I shouldn't have done, there were moments where silence was exactly what it should have been. but I was afraid. scared even. that before everything comes to an end, I would emerge as another flawed individual with nothing to my name.

fractured heart, I am sorry, to put you through the hi and los, burden you with a truckload of what not. the moments where I was blinded, earnestly searching for something that wasn't meant to be, another for blurting out and creating a black hole and for the last, to put my sincerity on the edge, to teether and find my beliefs running back to me, wondering what exactly was I advocating all these while.

I heard you telling me how you detest the person you were becoming. you felt the pins and needles pricking your conscience when you did what you did but all you ever did was mirror the actions that had taken its place among the stars. I guess you might have suffered nights feeling your lungs collapsing and wondering why nobody cared.

caked with guilt, I was rendered speechless.

I keep asking myself what the fuck am I doing